you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
