you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
