Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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