Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
