Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
