look no pants
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Jerry, you need to find god
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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