Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize