i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
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just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
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I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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