Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
