Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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