Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
