matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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