it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
