im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
