omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
