I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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