he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Vodka?
Forever.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
