I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
