Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
