does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
