im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
