You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
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I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
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struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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