In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize