two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
