That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
