theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's blow job season.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
