It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
