I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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