why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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