I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
