cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
