no, he came in my armpit
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
