If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
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He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
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Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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