i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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