He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
