Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize