I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
