Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize