I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
