this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
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she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
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Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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