Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I have fence marks all over my body
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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