so let's talk penis.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
