my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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