I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
