Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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