The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
