would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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