Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
a search helicopter?!
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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