either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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