I am spending my child support on dildos
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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