he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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