That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
