I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
