My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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