he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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