'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Too much gin, very little bucket
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
