Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
