Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
