We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
