I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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