My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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