There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
