I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
