Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
