I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
