Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
