someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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