She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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