i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
