I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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