Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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