I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
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My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
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WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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