the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
