the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
They took my balls.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.