dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
