Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
