Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.