i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
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nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
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So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.