she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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