guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
