I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
