so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night