How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
