she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
