he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
