I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
