So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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