i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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